Contrary to Popular Belief

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No, I don’t want mind-reading powers. Who do I look like- Edward Cullen?

Do I want to hear all the random nonsense people think, without pause, every minute of the day? Do I want to fall in love with someone with all the vibrant personality of a pile of rocks, just because I can’t ‘hear’ them? Do I want a sickeningly happy ending to my story?

The answer to all of the above is a resounding No.

I mean, think about the life poor Edward has. He has to be aware that he’s the least interesting person in the Cullen/Hale outfit (personally, I rank Jasper first, but that’s just me); he’s the only one without a girlfriend for centuries- testament to his uninteresting personality (I know there’s that whole thing about Tanya ‘making a play’ for him, and him being not interested, but it’s not like we have anyone else’s word for it)- he’s done a lot of reading, so he’s probably aware that he’s the least compelling romantic hero ever (and whatever Bella thinks, she is not Cathy Earnshaw and he is not Heathcliff. In any way); he has to (and I genuinely sympathise with him here) listen to the mindtracks of over a hundred adolescent students, agonising over gossip and he-said-she-said and homework submissions all day, every day. He gets the girlfriend who is about as interesting as a bowl of cereal, and fits the profile of the damsel-in-distress to a T. He has all the emo issues going- angsting over how he could kill his girlfriend like that (pity he was so careful), or how he’s a monster and he can’t make her into one (like she needed the help, playing ol’ Jake like she did), all the ‘living forever, never changing, never growing old’ stuff.

And to end, he gets the soppily happy ending. Everything going good, vampires can’t have kids but he can (and I’m not even going into the biological details of that one)- but that one’s more of Bella’s thing. But yeah, he gets Bella. FOREVER. How he puts up with her is not given- maybe he doesn’t. Hopefully. But I’m of the opinion that Edward lost his personality with his humanity (in the sense, when he turned into a vampire), so maybe he did. Who knows?

So no, I do not want to read people’s minds endlessly/turn into Edward Cullen. At least give me an ‘off’ switch. Like Aro.

Muahahahahaha.

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